AS I HAVE MENTIONED: Forget about Angry Birds; my yard is full of Horny Birds this spring. And when I told that to the Mad Doodler of South-Dakota-via-Britain, dear transplanted Andre Jordan, apparently I hit a chord. I know there are offcolor jokes in this vein involving words like woody and suffixes like -pecker, but I’m no dirty-minded trash mouth, you know.

It’s the birds who have spring fever; not my fault, really. Blame Andre that this woodpecker’s covering Salt-N-Pepa’s 1990 hit. But me? I didn’t do it. (And besides, I know that woodpeckers don’t get headaches, because they’re engineered to bang their head against the wall, er, tree.)